An adopted brown child, adopted by two white, incredibly abusive individuals must learn very early on that there will never be anyone in their corner and that they will forever be their own biggest support system. The child learns that they will never feel safe, seen or loved, and that no one will ever come to save them. The damage that this does to the child's physical, mental and emotional health is extensive, often causing permanent scarring that seeps into adulthood, poisoning every aspect of their lives. Childhood trauma doesn't go away; it keeps the adult forever trapped in their childhood. There is no escape.
Growing up doesn't feel like growing up. As a child raised in chaos, growing up feels like a constant internal struggle of longing for a normal childhood, knowing you'll never have one, and then being upset that although you're being forced to do adult things, you're still just a kid. The pressure to perform, pressure to survive, pressures to do well in school become so overbearing that children like me often feel like taking their own lives. CHILDREN, TAKING THEIR OWN LIVES!!! THAT is the reality for many adopted children.
As an adult now, it feels impossible to connect with other adults in a way that's meaningful. It feels unsafe to trust them. "When everyone else in life has failed me, will you, too?" That's the question that's run through my head my entire adulthood. And it all started because one irresponsible, overworked social worker provided a brown child to two white irresponsible, abusive adults, in an effort to meet a quota for the month. I can't tell you how many people have failed me, and others alike, but I can tell you all of the exact ways that those failures continue to affect me today...
~Yours Truly
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