- If you would have told me when we first met, that the man I would grow to love more than my own soul would one day be totally unrecognizable to me, I would have laughed in your face. But here we are, now, and it's happened. I sit and wonder how this happened, how it all went wrong. I question if it's even happening at all, or if it's all in my head, but no, it has, you've changed.
- Low effort from you wasn't the norm. Dating came and went, then our wedding. We were happily ever after, until after came, and now you seem happy, but I feel like the shell of a woman who birthed your children. There hasn't been happiness between us in a long time, but there hasn't been hatred, either. Just nothingness.
- At first, I could excuse the lack of affection and effort away. The excuses you gave me made sense, right? "I'll work on it." Gosh, how many times have I heard that exact phrase? The years have come and gone, it's still not been worked on.
- Rather than having anymore excuses for you, I find myself resenting you. Not for being not affectionate enough, but for lying and promising that it would change. I don't hate you for being too short with your tone, I hate that for the last several years, I've grown to dumb you down in my mind, tending to your emotions and needs like I do our childrens'. I hate you for letting me.
- I hate you for blaming me for not being patient enough, when I've been patient for nearly a decade. I hate you for putting me in the position, forcing me to act as the "man of the house" and then becoming angry for making all the decisions for us. I hate you for never following through on anything, unless I remind you to, and I hate you for getting angry at me when I do remind you of those things.
- I hate you for all the missed birthdays, I hate you for missing our last anniversary, I hate you for telling me about the things you "wanted" to do for me, after nothing was done for me. I hate you for doing this to me.
- I hate you for being a good father to our children. If you weren't, it would be easier for me to leave you. I hate you for being a good provider, if you weren't I would have left a long time ago. I hate you for being a good son, because when I do leave you, I'll be the bad guy. I hate you for being a good brother, because that means all our issues are told to your family, leaving me looking like the monster, and you the prey.
- I hate that I don't have a "good" reason to leave you, something other than my selfish happiness. I hate that leaving you doesn't feel right because me leaving would tear apart our family when everything else is perfect. My happiness can wait until the kids are grown, right? It's been this long, I can wait until the kids are adults, right?
- I hate that I even think about leaving you. Somehow, that makes me feel like a monster. How could I leave you only because you fail to tend to my physical and emotional needs? How could I leave you for something so small? Shouldn't I just be able to suck it up and persevere? Why am I complaining over such miniscule things?
- I hate you. Not for who you are, but for who you aren't for me anymore.
~Yours Truly
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